The Role of the man in a marital home
Considering the fact that the man is the head of the family, the responsibilities of the man to his wife is manifold. If your marriage turns out to be successful, it is because you have played your own part well although God is the ultimate builder of all things including your marriage. “For every house is builded by some one; but he that built all things is God” (Hebrews 3:4). If however your marriage is not successful, God is not to be blamed, because He always keeps His own side of the covenant. The safety of your marriage had been delivered into your hand even before you got married. The problem is that of lack of adequate knowledge of this coupled with the inability to understand the operation of the safety measure. The man is the head of the home although this is not to say that the woman is inferior to the man God said "For the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church..."( Ephesians 5:23) The man is like the first among equals and he is to take final decision on any matter concerning any area in the marriage where there had been divergence of views among the man and the woman that is why God also said that each one should submit to the other man or woman. "Submitting to one another in the fear of God..." (Ephesians 5:21). Here the Bible is talking of all humans, man and woman.
The man should in the first place love God and submit to God in order to love the wife with the kind of love God wants. If the man loves God he will not only love his wife for sex or for her abilities or profession or what so ever. We should note that in marriage the sexual (eros) life can only be strong if we rely on the love of God (Agape). The man who lives by his ego, one who is wrapped up in his own importance, has no capacity for love. The control of God the Holy Spirit in the believer's life eliminates this ego lust pattern in the believer.
Secondly, the man has to love his wife just as Christ loves the church. Many people take this statement very casual and they do not look at the implications behind it. In order to get this right we have to ask ourselves this question. How does Christ love His church? Ephesians 5:25_29: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious [church], not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his own wife loveth himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as Christ also the church;” Wherever love is present it can not be hidden, it can be seen, it can be read, it can be heard, and it can be felt. "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church..." How well do you love your wife? Where there is no love effective leadership becomes unattainable. Love and control are two sides of the same coin. If you want to be in effective control of your home, you need to use the weapon of love. Ask yourself, "Do I really love my wife? Where there is love, selfishness does not exist! You can only save your marriage easily in an atmosphere of love. The love that I am referring to here is unconditional love that is, the love that is not affected by the action, words or behaviour of your wife. It is love like the love of God towards man in spite of mans sins against God's instructions and words.
Thirdly, the man has to protect his wife (and in general his family). Christ loved the church and gave his life for the church. He protects the church because of his love, so men are called to protect their wives. God was not a full to make man stronger than the woman. He gave the man a developed chest and strength to take care of his wife and family. The wife has to feel this protection to experience the real love that the man gives. The wife needs moral protection, physical protection, mental protection, et cetera. The wife should support the man in this duty by submitting to the husband as the church is called to do same to Christ. Some men want their wife to assume the role of a mother to them, to give care and protection and attention to them as a mother would. So, instead of the man giving, he demands this protection. This type of a man has not grown up and thinks only of what he can get, not what he can give. She needs to have a sense of security which comes from knowing that he makes decisions which are good, that he has good judgment; this develops respect, true love demands that as one of its ingredients.
Fourthly, the man has to care and provide for his family including his wife. The provision is for food, shelter, clothing, health and other welfare needs. However, it is not to stress the man financially it is to be done according to his financial capabilities based upon his monthly income. What if the wife earns more than the husband? She has to support the man even financially and she should always have in mind that the man is the head of the family. At no time should she think, because she is the one providing, she can rise above the man; she has to submit to the husband as the Bible prescribes. The man is expected to personally and consciously work towards increasing his income to improve the welfare of his family. The man will need to get additional means of income. Build your home and marriage on unconditional love, it will save your marriage from breakdown and you also will be happy with your wife and you would have pleased God by discharging your God given responsibilities. The man has to give to his wife Sex, living, conversation, Protection, fellowship, understanding, and every other facet of life.
Next, the man has to initiate and develop the spirit of dialogue with his wife. The woman was made for the man, to please him, and the woman is never complete without the man. The woman only becomes complex when she has nothing to respond to. 1 Corinthians 11:7-9, "For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman for the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." The husband should initiate love, mental attitude love, expressing itself in conversation, and behaviour pattern, as well as sex.
The sixth point is that the husband should have time for his wife and family. The whole life of a woman is centred in her husband, while the husband has many interests. The wife wants to feel wanted and protected. Her security is in the love of her husband, not in the money he earns or his social prestige except she does not really love the man. Marriage does not give the man the right of being a bully, or a brute, one who demands their rights as the head of the house with never a "Thank you." Nor does it give the wife the right to spend a lifetime trying to straighten out her husband, and to mould him into the image of her own idealism. A woman must be free and have freedom to respond to her own husband's love, for without freedom, she will not have the desire. A woman's desire toward her husband must be correlated with her volition, her free will. A man who eliminates a woman's free will, volition, destroys the whole mental attitude picture.
The seventh point is that the man has to give the wife the spiritual needs. What do I mean by this? We have just seen in Ephesians 5:26 that Christ cleansed the church by the washing of water with the word. To wash our wives in the Word doesn’t mean preaching to her. That can make her feel like a child if she doesn’t appreciate this. But it’s communicating the gospel with and without words. Even if your wife is hostile to your sharing the word of God with her, you can still pray a blessing silently over her and ask God to show you how to bond you closer together. Read scripture together. You can do this even a few verses or chapters at a time, and then share insights that come to mind. When God teaches you or you learn something from His Word, be sure to share that with your wife. It may bless and enrich her life as well. Ask your wife how you can be praying for her throughout the day while you’re apart. Start the day by praying together (and/or end the day by praying together). This will greatly enrich your marriage with your wife. As we take spiritual responsibility in our marriages, we may find that other problem areas will begin to resolve themselves as well. And men: love your wife enough to resist the temptation to chastise your wife if she isn’t doing what she is supposed to do as we see next.
