Contents
Experiences and feelings of the bereaved
How to do away with guilt of a lost one
What to learn from bereavement
Types of gifts for the bereaved
Friday, 30 December 2011
God consoles the broken hearted
Most of the times, when we are troubled we fail to look at the most important person who’ll give us the lasting solution. We are usually too much in haste that we desperately need the solution our own way and fast. Whenever God draws the solution a bit longer or if God’s solution to our problem is different from what we expect we rapidly switch to manmade solutions. These manmade solutions are usually very temporal and at times very catastrophic in the long run. God knows what is good for us and when which solution is good for us. So God is always very precise with the solution He provides for our problems, and the timings. No human being can do that because only God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. God is capable of giving solutions to all our problems because He is omnipotent. He knows the correct remedy to our problems as He is all knowing and He can provide the correct timing since He is present in the past, in the present and in the future. God knows the kind of choices we will face tomorrow and He further knows what choice we shall chose from the choices. This is the subject of another article but I would like to let you know that God is not responsible for our choices even though He knows what we shall choose. He only knows that this is what we will decide to do but He cannot force us to do otherwise because God has given us free will. We are therefore responsible for what we chose from the alternatives we find in life and so God holds us responsible and judges us based on these choices. Knowing that God is capable to solve our problem now and for eternity, we are called upon to come to God who will give us everlasting consolation when we are grieved.
As seen earlier in our text, God is near to the broken hearted. God hears the cries of the righteous and delivers them out of all their troubles (Psalm 34:17);[The righteous] cried, and Jehovah heard, And delivered them out of all their troubles. This text says God hears and delivers the righteous from all troubles. It does not talk of the unrighteous and so we are called upon to come to God, have faith in God and our righteousness will give us a step to Gods protection. We cannot be asking for God’s provision or protection and giving our allegiance to someone else.
God said to the Israelites that they have made for themselves a broken cistern that can hold no water. Jer.2:13: For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. Many at times we have tend to man made ways to find peace and protection. But I tell you that none of these will give us satisfaction, peace or protection. We find people with shrines here and there, some moving with leather bags, some with handkerchiefs that were given by some ancestors or grand parents, some moving with rings, and others with carved gods made of wood. We think that these will make any difference. But none has any positive effect on our lives. It is just like what is seen in Jeremiah 2:13 where God was saying to the Israelites that they have forsaken him and made broken cisterns that can hold no water. Some of us have turned to drunkenness hoping that we will get away with our difficulties. Some have gone to drug addiction with the hope of surmounting their fears but know this today that they will all help to aggravate your condition. God is calling onto us today just as he did with the Israelites that we have forsaken Him and made for ourselves a broken cistern that can hold no water. Let us go back to God and get the satisfaction that last forever.
Do you know what a cistern is? It is a clay container that is used in containing water. Then a broken cistern would be of no use. Some years back when I was still very young our daily duty was to fetch firewood and to carry water from the stream (our popular mbohkfu in the village-Ndu). The mbohkfu was practically the only place where the inhabitants of Ndu were collecting potable water. Every evening we will have a full there each one fighting to get water. Some would leave the zone with wounds on the head or on their knees just to for water. One day I went there earlier to avoid the congestion but was unfortunate that I took a 20 liters rubber container that had a small hole at the bottom. When I filled the container, it started flowing off the container but I rapidly found a solution. I sealed the hole with a piece of soap which I took from the stream and I was happy that my little magic has worked. I was so sure that I had escaped the ill of coming back to the stream if I had to go and change the container. I took the water home with no problem placed the container in our kitchen. In our kitchen the cooking place was dug into the ground and three stones placed to make a tripod. I allowed the water container and went to the field to play with other friends. Gradually the water melted the soap and started flowing off onto the ground. No one was there to control it and it went into the fireplace and the whole kitchen was water. Coming back from the field, I had to go and carry more water else my mom will have nothing to wash with when she returns from the farm. After all I had no choice she will give me a lamp to go and bring water if I forget to do that else there will be no food since there is no water to prepare food with. My little magic failed me, and in addition I spoiled the fireplace. They had to remove all the soaked ashes before preparing new fire and the kitchen had to be cleaned. At the start in the stream I had the impression that it was working but it did not take long my little magic was catastrophic. This is the same thing that we face when we get to manmade ways and leave God behind. We think the magic or power is perfect, we think it will last but it does not last and it leads to destruction.
The first sin God is highlighting here is that they have forsaken him the fountain of living water. Secondly they have made for themselves BROKEN cisterns that can hold no water. That is manmade ways. We think that the leather bag or the wooden god will do us any help but God is telling us that this can do nothing. In fact it will destroy more just like the water I took into the house through my gallon. The first time we get them, we think they will help, we think we can rely on them; but in very little time we find the destruction caused by these. They are the plans of the devil.
To keep away from this we need the fresh anointing that comes from God. We have to overflow with the anointing and the word of God. God wants us to overflow so that when we are moving by the way and anything happens; the first thing that will come out of our mouth will be the word of God. The word of God should be in our blood.
The word of God and his anointing is light into our spirit. You know darkness and light cannot come together. When light appears darkness quits and there is no other way round. Jesus is our light as well; and when he pops up Satan disappears. Amen. We cannot have the anointing without Christ or God. We need a constant refilling from God so that we can also shine as the light of the world.
David was filled with the spirit and it was this anointing in the life of David that slew Goliath. After this David was anointed with fresh oil over the hands of Juda and over Israel (1Sam.16:3; 2Sam. 2:4;5:3). Why this? He was already anointed, but what he meant by this was that his anointing will be renewed. My relationship with God needs to be renewed. Constant renewal! We know oil use to lick. Engineers will say the oil has lost its viscosity.
The car whose engine is without oil or with bad oil easily knocks and the car will drive to a halt. The same thing is true with cooking oil. For those using red palm oil, you know that when it makes long it loses its quality. It cannot be used for cooking except we want to cook anything for the pigs if ever they will accept it. Good fresh oil is good for cooking just like fresh oil is good for the engine. We need constant refilling from God. In the same way God said His people have been misled from the mountain to hill. They have been misled from their resting place and so they no longer have rest. Jer 50:6 My people hath been lost sheep: their shepherds have caused them to go astray, they have turned them away on the mountains: they have gone from mountain to hill, they have forgotten their resting place. We today, we need to understand that God is our resting place, He is the one to give us rest, He will give us comfort; He is our consoler.
Do you know why many people say I want to die when they are in trouble? Because they do not have the fresh anointing from God. God says in any pain thank Him and come on to Him because He is near to the broken hearted. We need constant renewal from God.
Extract from the book Bereavement: The christian attitude. By Njini Hans
As seen earlier in our text, God is near to the broken hearted. God hears the cries of the righteous and delivers them out of all their troubles (Psalm 34:17);[The righteous] cried, and Jehovah heard, And delivered them out of all their troubles. This text says God hears and delivers the righteous from all troubles. It does not talk of the unrighteous and so we are called upon to come to God, have faith in God and our righteousness will give us a step to Gods protection. We cannot be asking for God’s provision or protection and giving our allegiance to someone else.
God said to the Israelites that they have made for themselves a broken cistern that can hold no water. Jer.2:13: For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. Many at times we have tend to man made ways to find peace and protection. But I tell you that none of these will give us satisfaction, peace or protection. We find people with shrines here and there, some moving with leather bags, some with handkerchiefs that were given by some ancestors or grand parents, some moving with rings, and others with carved gods made of wood. We think that these will make any difference. But none has any positive effect on our lives. It is just like what is seen in Jeremiah 2:13 where God was saying to the Israelites that they have forsaken him and made broken cisterns that can hold no water. Some of us have turned to drunkenness hoping that we will get away with our difficulties. Some have gone to drug addiction with the hope of surmounting their fears but know this today that they will all help to aggravate your condition. God is calling onto us today just as he did with the Israelites that we have forsaken Him and made for ourselves a broken cistern that can hold no water. Let us go back to God and get the satisfaction that last forever.
Do you know what a cistern is? It is a clay container that is used in containing water. Then a broken cistern would be of no use. Some years back when I was still very young our daily duty was to fetch firewood and to carry water from the stream (our popular mbohkfu in the village-Ndu). The mbohkfu was practically the only place where the inhabitants of Ndu were collecting potable water. Every evening we will have a full there each one fighting to get water. Some would leave the zone with wounds on the head or on their knees just to for water. One day I went there earlier to avoid the congestion but was unfortunate that I took a 20 liters rubber container that had a small hole at the bottom. When I filled the container, it started flowing off the container but I rapidly found a solution. I sealed the hole with a piece of soap which I took from the stream and I was happy that my little magic has worked. I was so sure that I had escaped the ill of coming back to the stream if I had to go and change the container. I took the water home with no problem placed the container in our kitchen. In our kitchen the cooking place was dug into the ground and three stones placed to make a tripod. I allowed the water container and went to the field to play with other friends. Gradually the water melted the soap and started flowing off onto the ground. No one was there to control it and it went into the fireplace and the whole kitchen was water. Coming back from the field, I had to go and carry more water else my mom will have nothing to wash with when she returns from the farm. After all I had no choice she will give me a lamp to go and bring water if I forget to do that else there will be no food since there is no water to prepare food with. My little magic failed me, and in addition I spoiled the fireplace. They had to remove all the soaked ashes before preparing new fire and the kitchen had to be cleaned. At the start in the stream I had the impression that it was working but it did not take long my little magic was catastrophic. This is the same thing that we face when we get to manmade ways and leave God behind. We think the magic or power is perfect, we think it will last but it does not last and it leads to destruction.
The first sin God is highlighting here is that they have forsaken him the fountain of living water. Secondly they have made for themselves BROKEN cisterns that can hold no water. That is manmade ways. We think that the leather bag or the wooden god will do us any help but God is telling us that this can do nothing. In fact it will destroy more just like the water I took into the house through my gallon. The first time we get them, we think they will help, we think we can rely on them; but in very little time we find the destruction caused by these. They are the plans of the devil.
To keep away from this we need the fresh anointing that comes from God. We have to overflow with the anointing and the word of God. God wants us to overflow so that when we are moving by the way and anything happens; the first thing that will come out of our mouth will be the word of God. The word of God should be in our blood.
The word of God and his anointing is light into our spirit. You know darkness and light cannot come together. When light appears darkness quits and there is no other way round. Jesus is our light as well; and when he pops up Satan disappears. Amen. We cannot have the anointing without Christ or God. We need a constant refilling from God so that we can also shine as the light of the world.
David was filled with the spirit and it was this anointing in the life of David that slew Goliath. After this David was anointed with fresh oil over the hands of Juda and over Israel (1Sam.16:3; 2Sam. 2:4;5:3). Why this? He was already anointed, but what he meant by this was that his anointing will be renewed. My relationship with God needs to be renewed. Constant renewal! We know oil use to lick. Engineers will say the oil has lost its viscosity.
The car whose engine is without oil or with bad oil easily knocks and the car will drive to a halt. The same thing is true with cooking oil. For those using red palm oil, you know that when it makes long it loses its quality. It cannot be used for cooking except we want to cook anything for the pigs if ever they will accept it. Good fresh oil is good for cooking just like fresh oil is good for the engine. We need constant refilling from God. In the same way God said His people have been misled from the mountain to hill. They have been misled from their resting place and so they no longer have rest. Jer 50:6 My people hath been lost sheep: their shepherds have caused them to go astray, they have turned them away on the mountains: they have gone from mountain to hill, they have forgotten their resting place. We today, we need to understand that God is our resting place, He is the one to give us rest, He will give us comfort; He is our consoler.
Do you know why many people say I want to die when they are in trouble? Because they do not have the fresh anointing from God. God says in any pain thank Him and come on to Him because He is near to the broken hearted. We need constant renewal from God.
Extract from the book Bereavement: The christian attitude. By Njini Hans
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Help for the bereaved family
Help for the bereaved family
When unfortunate incidences happen to any human being it takes a long time to get healed and as a matter of fact there is no definite time period for the healing process. What we know is that this healing is possible and that one can return back to a happy and productive life after any unfortunate incidence. Whenever you find yourself in such a difficult situation, know that you are not alone, people have passed through it successfully and many are still passing through it. What you need to remind yourself of is that, things will eventually get better. In fact when I lost my mother last October in 2010 I felt like I was in another planet. I felt like I was different from those I see around me, in fact I was like a lost man. A man who has no guide without hope in getting through; but as time went on with faith I started building the hope that I needed for my healing. The pains gradually subsided as I gradually accepted the reality of life. In fact the solution to all our afflictions is in the word of God. Psalm 119:50 tells us that “This is my comfort in my affliction; For thy word hath quickened me”. The word of God really revives deadened life and mends the brokenhearted. In Isaiah it says the Lord has comforted His people and will have compassion on His afflicted (Isaiah 49:13). This is so sweet! It says His people, His afflicted. It is talking about Gods people, and so if we remain faithful to God having all our hopes in Him we are sure of this promise and His promises never fail.
We should not be given to fear because our Lord lives and He has promised to always be closer to us; He is there to comfort us. In Isaiah God says I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, and uphold you with My righteous right hand. It also applies to us Christians. We just have to have hope in our God and believe as we know that His word is true and that He will never lie. Isaiah 41:10; “Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness”. The psalmist says with hope and faith that though he walk through the valley of the shadow of death, he will fear no evil. Why? Because the Lord is with him (Psalm23:4). Our Lord knows those events are there and they have to be there. In fact they are there to strengthen us, to strengthen our relationship with God. God will not always take away certain events from us even if we feel uncomfortable with but he will allow it if it will bring Him glory at the end. We need to always have in mind that our purpose on earth is to glorify God. Therefore in everything we do, in every situation we pass through we need to bear in mind that the end should glorify our creator. One thing I know is that God will never allow any temptation come to us if it is above our strength. He will always give us the ability, and more over He says he will always be by our side giving us the protection that is needed. He says we shall pass through the rivers and through fire but we shall never be harmed because he is with us. Yes, God is always by His children and the little we need to do is to accept God as our God through His son Jesus Christ who is our Lord and saviour. There we shall benefit from the same promises God gave to His people. Isaiah 43:2 “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee”. This promise we have read from the word of God that it happened to Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego in Daniel chapter 3. Yes they physically passed through the burning fiery furnace and the fire did not kindle upon them. Our scripture says the flames of the fire slew the men who bounded these men of God but they were not hurt because God was on their side. Our Lord Jesus says “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted” matt 5:4. Our Lord is like saying we should accept it. He hasn’t said we should not mourn but He says blessed are you, sacred are you who mourns for you shall be comforted. We therefore have to accept our pains and mourn because we have pains. Our God gave us the senses to express them not to pretend. Tell God exactly how you feel and cry when you feel like crying but know that you shall be comforted says the Lord. Death has no power because God gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor 15:55-57). If our loved one who died, really slept in the Lord then we know they live and we shall meet with them some time in God’s kingdom.
What about us now?
We as believers know resurrection is a reality and we should not reason like people who are not informed and have no hope. Our hope is in the resurrection that we have through Christ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14; But we would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning them that fall asleep; that ye sorrow not, even as the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also that are fallen asleep in Jesus will God bring with him. In Revelation we learn that in those days God shall wipe away every tear from our eyes, there shall be no death nor mourning nor pain. There shall be comfort when God Himself shall be with His people "and he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away" Revelation 21:4.
We need to take courage and move forward. We need to draw near to God through Jesus Christ our Lord who is the source of our comfort. There we shall find mercy and we shall receive the grace that is needed for us to help in time of need. We have received mercy from God regardless of who we are, He gives us comfort through His word. What then? We have to help when need arises. We cannot receive and remain as if nothing happened because there will be a time when we shall be expected to help with what we have received from the Lord. We read from Hebrews 4:15-16 that we should draw near to the throne of grace; “For we have not a high priest that cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but one that hath been in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin. Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help [us] in time of need”. Now that we know and have received God’s mercy, now that we have had God’s comfort in our affliction, we need to comfort others with the same comfort we received from God. We as individuals, and families and as a church, we therefore have the responsibility to comfort those who are in affliction; 2 Cor1:3-4 “Blessed [be] the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort them that are in any affliction, through the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God”. Let us now prepare ourselves and make a step towards the isolated, the afflicted, the abandoned, the lonely, yes they are many.
Churches role
Leaders of churches have to carry the responsibility of teaching the truth and guiding the church members along with other things such as the pastoral responsibility. But the leader cannot provide all the pastoral time and attention that every member of the church requires especially when the church is not small. We also have to know that a pastor who is married will also have a responsibility over his family. In the case of Africa, even when one is not married he still has a responsibility towards the nieces, nephews, cousins, uncles, parents etc. The family is very large here and African pastors or leaders are not exempted. That is why other Christians are called upon as delegated by the leader or the fellowship to assist in the pastoral responsibilities between the leader himself and the others in the church.
We can easily overlook the needs of others around us and for the church this will be very possible if there are no structures to help those in need come for help. In one of the churches in Cameroon I found a very good structure established which really assembled the needy towards the church and the church too is helping them in providing their needs and the warmth. In Etoug Ebe Baptist church Yaounde, they have a program where they collect second hand items to give to the poor in need. Every Christian who has something he/she is no longer using will gather them to the church and give to the team in charge. These are collected for a while and if there are no solicitors then the church makes a sales plan and sells them. Then the money is used to help the poor. I think this is good because some people though needy will always want to keep their esteem. Some will prefer the money rather than the goods for fear that one will say hey, there my item I gave to the church. This has shown proof that it helps.
As a church we need to teach home group leaders to be sensitive to the needs of the members in their group. Because Christians have to love God, we can show our love for God by providing for these needy in our fellowship and around us regardless of whether they are Christians or not. Therefore church members also have to be guided and encouraged to be pastoral in their outlook and this needs prayer because their hearts have to change as it needs sacrifice. People in our community are really in need for provision, for care, for love and for spiritual and moral uprightness. These people are there waiting for someone to talk to them and make them move, but most of the Christians are satisfied with their “umbrella salvation” that covers just them or their families. Many say ah, if my family is saved then ok for me, but they forget that the great commission which is a divine imperative says GO and make disciples of all nations Matt28:20. It does not say get your salvation and then stay. No; as you have now known the truth, go and teach, bring them to me (Christ).
Ministering to the needs of the needy also involves evangelism and so this work is not limited to Christians in our community but more so to the non-christians around us. This will teach them more than what we may want to speak to them especially when they have no hope. Organizing meetings in church for this group of people and allowing non Christians too will help those who just want to spend some time with others. The idea is to make those in need (isolated, brokenhearted) to talk to others in a group and build friendships. Other christians can pray for them and provide more warmth even to the non-christians who come in and then help explain the gospel to them too; at their own pace. The choice of time and the age group may be a factor to consider when organizing these meetings. The evening may be very suitable for those who are of age and those who find public transport difficult or undesirable or insecure in the evening. But the evenings will be very suitable for those who work during the day.
In cases where the fellowship does not have a church, families can host the meetings in rotation. So the church needs to provide practically for the needs of the isolated or lonely in their church even if there are just one or two to allow these integrate in the fellowship. Can we imagine how this will help the widows and widowers? Last week or so Cameroon just celebrated the widows day and it is high time the church provides the practical needs of these widows and widowers. They need spiritual food in addition to the warmth. Many talk of discrimination in the society because they feel the lack of this love which can only be provided in a real way through the church.
Some people can be over demanding in wanting the company of others and so they will need more time to overcome their pain while others will integrate very fast. We therefore need to realize this in each of the persons we identify needy and then try to balance our pastoral ministry facilities as well. We cannot give all the time for the lonely because the resources may be limited as manpower is concern. However we must know that all those who are in need in our churches should be taken serious and treated in their best interest whether their needs are physical, emotional or spiritual because Christian fellowship must go with love. If we do not desire to meet to the needs of those in our community then we do not love our neighbours (Luke 10:25-37).
When unfortunate incidences happen to any human being it takes a long time to get healed and as a matter of fact there is no definite time period for the healing process. What we know is that this healing is possible and that one can return back to a happy and productive life after any unfortunate incidence. Whenever you find yourself in such a difficult situation, know that you are not alone, people have passed through it successfully and many are still passing through it. What you need to remind yourself of is that, things will eventually get better. In fact when I lost my mother last October in 2010 I felt like I was in another planet. I felt like I was different from those I see around me, in fact I was like a lost man. A man who has no guide without hope in getting through; but as time went on with faith I started building the hope that I needed for my healing. The pains gradually subsided as I gradually accepted the reality of life. In fact the solution to all our afflictions is in the word of God. Psalm 119:50 tells us that “This is my comfort in my affliction; For thy word hath quickened me”. The word of God really revives deadened life and mends the brokenhearted. In Isaiah it says the Lord has comforted His people and will have compassion on His afflicted (Isaiah 49:13). This is so sweet! It says His people, His afflicted. It is talking about Gods people, and so if we remain faithful to God having all our hopes in Him we are sure of this promise and His promises never fail.
We should not be given to fear because our Lord lives and He has promised to always be closer to us; He is there to comfort us. In Isaiah God says I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, and uphold you with My righteous right hand. It also applies to us Christians. We just have to have hope in our God and believe as we know that His word is true and that He will never lie. Isaiah 41:10; “Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness”. The psalmist says with hope and faith that though he walk through the valley of the shadow of death, he will fear no evil. Why? Because the Lord is with him (Psalm23:4). Our Lord knows those events are there and they have to be there. In fact they are there to strengthen us, to strengthen our relationship with God. God will not always take away certain events from us even if we feel uncomfortable with but he will allow it if it will bring Him glory at the end. We need to always have in mind that our purpose on earth is to glorify God. Therefore in everything we do, in every situation we pass through we need to bear in mind that the end should glorify our creator. One thing I know is that God will never allow any temptation come to us if it is above our strength. He will always give us the ability, and more over He says he will always be by our side giving us the protection that is needed. He says we shall pass through the rivers and through fire but we shall never be harmed because he is with us. Yes, God is always by His children and the little we need to do is to accept God as our God through His son Jesus Christ who is our Lord and saviour. There we shall benefit from the same promises God gave to His people. Isaiah 43:2 “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee”. This promise we have read from the word of God that it happened to Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego in Daniel chapter 3. Yes they physically passed through the burning fiery furnace and the fire did not kindle upon them. Our scripture says the flames of the fire slew the men who bounded these men of God but they were not hurt because God was on their side. Our Lord Jesus says “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted” matt 5:4. Our Lord is like saying we should accept it. He hasn’t said we should not mourn but He says blessed are you, sacred are you who mourns for you shall be comforted. We therefore have to accept our pains and mourn because we have pains. Our God gave us the senses to express them not to pretend. Tell God exactly how you feel and cry when you feel like crying but know that you shall be comforted says the Lord. Death has no power because God gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor 15:55-57). If our loved one who died, really slept in the Lord then we know they live and we shall meet with them some time in God’s kingdom.
What about us now?
We as believers know resurrection is a reality and we should not reason like people who are not informed and have no hope. Our hope is in the resurrection that we have through Christ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14; But we would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning them that fall asleep; that ye sorrow not, even as the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also that are fallen asleep in Jesus will God bring with him. In Revelation we learn that in those days God shall wipe away every tear from our eyes, there shall be no death nor mourning nor pain. There shall be comfort when God Himself shall be with His people "and he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away" Revelation 21:4.
We need to take courage and move forward. We need to draw near to God through Jesus Christ our Lord who is the source of our comfort. There we shall find mercy and we shall receive the grace that is needed for us to help in time of need. We have received mercy from God regardless of who we are, He gives us comfort through His word. What then? We have to help when need arises. We cannot receive and remain as if nothing happened because there will be a time when we shall be expected to help with what we have received from the Lord. We read from Hebrews 4:15-16 that we should draw near to the throne of grace; “For we have not a high priest that cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but one that hath been in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin. Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help [us] in time of need”. Now that we know and have received God’s mercy, now that we have had God’s comfort in our affliction, we need to comfort others with the same comfort we received from God. We as individuals, and families and as a church, we therefore have the responsibility to comfort those who are in affliction; 2 Cor1:3-4 “Blessed [be] the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort them that are in any affliction, through the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God”. Let us now prepare ourselves and make a step towards the isolated, the afflicted, the abandoned, the lonely, yes they are many.
Churches role
Leaders of churches have to carry the responsibility of teaching the truth and guiding the church members along with other things such as the pastoral responsibility. But the leader cannot provide all the pastoral time and attention that every member of the church requires especially when the church is not small. We also have to know that a pastor who is married will also have a responsibility over his family. In the case of Africa, even when one is not married he still has a responsibility towards the nieces, nephews, cousins, uncles, parents etc. The family is very large here and African pastors or leaders are not exempted. That is why other Christians are called upon as delegated by the leader or the fellowship to assist in the pastoral responsibilities between the leader himself and the others in the church.
We can easily overlook the needs of others around us and for the church this will be very possible if there are no structures to help those in need come for help. In one of the churches in Cameroon I found a very good structure established which really assembled the needy towards the church and the church too is helping them in providing their needs and the warmth. In Etoug Ebe Baptist church Yaounde, they have a program where they collect second hand items to give to the poor in need. Every Christian who has something he/she is no longer using will gather them to the church and give to the team in charge. These are collected for a while and if there are no solicitors then the church makes a sales plan and sells them. Then the money is used to help the poor. I think this is good because some people though needy will always want to keep their esteem. Some will prefer the money rather than the goods for fear that one will say hey, there my item I gave to the church. This has shown proof that it helps.
As a church we need to teach home group leaders to be sensitive to the needs of the members in their group. Because Christians have to love God, we can show our love for God by providing for these needy in our fellowship and around us regardless of whether they are Christians or not. Therefore church members also have to be guided and encouraged to be pastoral in their outlook and this needs prayer because their hearts have to change as it needs sacrifice. People in our community are really in need for provision, for care, for love and for spiritual and moral uprightness. These people are there waiting for someone to talk to them and make them move, but most of the Christians are satisfied with their “umbrella salvation” that covers just them or their families. Many say ah, if my family is saved then ok for me, but they forget that the great commission which is a divine imperative says GO and make disciples of all nations Matt28:20. It does not say get your salvation and then stay. No; as you have now known the truth, go and teach, bring them to me (Christ).
Ministering to the needs of the needy also involves evangelism and so this work is not limited to Christians in our community but more so to the non-christians around us. This will teach them more than what we may want to speak to them especially when they have no hope. Organizing meetings in church for this group of people and allowing non Christians too will help those who just want to spend some time with others. The idea is to make those in need (isolated, brokenhearted) to talk to others in a group and build friendships. Other christians can pray for them and provide more warmth even to the non-christians who come in and then help explain the gospel to them too; at their own pace. The choice of time and the age group may be a factor to consider when organizing these meetings. The evening may be very suitable for those who are of age and those who find public transport difficult or undesirable or insecure in the evening. But the evenings will be very suitable for those who work during the day.
In cases where the fellowship does not have a church, families can host the meetings in rotation. So the church needs to provide practically for the needs of the isolated or lonely in their church even if there are just one or two to allow these integrate in the fellowship. Can we imagine how this will help the widows and widowers? Last week or so Cameroon just celebrated the widows day and it is high time the church provides the practical needs of these widows and widowers. They need spiritual food in addition to the warmth. Many talk of discrimination in the society because they feel the lack of this love which can only be provided in a real way through the church.
Some people can be over demanding in wanting the company of others and so they will need more time to overcome their pain while others will integrate very fast. We therefore need to realize this in each of the persons we identify needy and then try to balance our pastoral ministry facilities as well. We cannot give all the time for the lonely because the resources may be limited as manpower is concern. However we must know that all those who are in need in our churches should be taken serious and treated in their best interest whether their needs are physical, emotional or spiritual because Christian fellowship must go with love. If we do not desire to meet to the needs of those in our community then we do not love our neighbours (Luke 10:25-37).
Experiences and feelings of the bereaved
Experiences and feelings of the bereaved
The death of a loved one is at times the cruelest thing that can happen to a human being. At times the pain seems insupportable. For some the pain is so much so that they cannot easily accept the reality of this lost. For most people regardless of their culture or religion death is a very delicate subject. Some languages have words or phrases to describe this in order to avoid the sad use of the delicate word. We hear of “he kicked the bucket”, “she passed away”, “she has gone to the father” etc instead of saying he/she died. In Limbum my dialect we get the phrase which translated gives “she left”, “he is lost (in case of chiefs and Fons)”, “she refused food”, “he has quenched”, etc.
I lost my mother last year (some seven months ago) on the 29th of October 2010. Some few days before she died she spoke with me on the phone, telling me she had some pains in her feet, little did I know this could lead to a dead end, but Gods ways are not our ways. Four days in the Hospital I was called one night that she was in oxygen. I could not relate pains in the feet to using artificial aid for respiration. In the early hours at 6am I was informed she passed away. Yes I cried like a little baby in our sleeping room. I had the luck that my wife was there and could give me some comfort, but as time went on I felt more broken than ever. For six months I had always reflected on who she was to us. All of us (eight children) missed our mom and I saw this in the lives of my brothers and sisters. Each time I meet with my eldest sister crying will start over again. Our mom was special to us and her words were always peaceful trying to build always; and open to lead reconciliation. She left us when we needed her most. My wife thought I could get rid of this by keeping everything that brings her memories far away, but this was a mistake. She will always ask me to keep the burial video whenever I wanted to watch. But I found out that it was by watching this over and over and placing her picture on my wall that made me accept the painful reality. A month ago I wondered how it will help if people can share their feelings with others and look at what scriptures tell us in such a painful situation. My wife was pregnant and I told my sister that my child will bare my mom’s name regardless of the sex of the child. God blessed us with a baby boy last month and he was named Yusinyu Angelo. Angelo just like our mom Angelina represents angel. Yusinyu (in English; listen to God) our second child is one month old today that I am writing this text. I now feel relief and I talk about my mom’s death without much trouble.
Some people try to escape from the pains by thinking of the pains of others. They thing they have surmounted all but in most cases they have just tried to escape from the reality. Human escapism will not solve our problem. You may pass all your time during the burial period or death ceremony consoling others; Yes, it is good to support others and assist them get relief from the pain, but do not forget that you yourself need to confront your own feelings. Crying at times gives you relief and if you feel as to do that, do it. Those who run away from this feeling end up many years in bereavement than those who expressed their feelings earlier. When you express your feelings, people will assist you go over it, but if you do it later on, you may have no one beside to help you. In that case you will feel very lonely, no one to comfort you and it will become very difficult for you to surmount your pain. When you are in this situation, note that others have had the same experience and many more will. It is never the end of the world; in fact you still have a life to live though you have lost a part of your company or family.
The bereaved are placed in a situation of temptation especially during the burial ceremony. This period is one in which one has to be very careful the way he things, try to manage frustration and helplessness. If these are not managed, the bereaved will be very susceptible to and can be easily drawn away into situations that cannot be managed later on spiritually and physically. In some cultures family behaviours might lead one (bereaved) to scatter the family bond for ever due to provocations. In some cultures provocation of the bereaved is a normal thing that should happen. When you are in such a situation, whether you know it or not do your things as if you have no force to react to any provocation. Do not even think of the provocation; let them pass as they came.
Our feelings after being bereaved can lead to many health and moral problems in our life. The feeling of loneliness, rejection, guilt and shock can lead to depression. But the scriptures tell us that “The LORD is near to the broken hearted; and saves the crushed in spirit” (Ps 34:18). So we have to accept it and let it go. It is true that it is not as easy else we will not be writing or talking about it. It will take some time; for some it will not take very long but for others it may take very long but as the Lord promises he is there for the broken hearted. We have to cry it out and let it go. This will keep us away from depression. Some people can easily turn the page and life goes on but others find it so difficult to do that. If you are a straight man like Jacob who after getting the news of the death of his son refuses to be comforted then you have to take care of yourself (Genesis 37:35) ;And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him. Know that your health depends on your emotional state. You have to eat well even when you do not feel as to. You also have to sleep enough and make some exercise; this will help you. Science has shown that exercise triggers the liberation of endorphins from the brain which contributes to well being by abolishing all sensation of pain. Thirdly we need to accept assistance from others. Friends and other Christians will give you good advice and when spoken well will give you relief just as the scriptures tell us in Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
The death of a loved one is at times the cruelest thing that can happen to a human being. At times the pain seems insupportable. For some the pain is so much so that they cannot easily accept the reality of this lost. For most people regardless of their culture or religion death is a very delicate subject. Some languages have words or phrases to describe this in order to avoid the sad use of the delicate word. We hear of “he kicked the bucket”, “she passed away”, “she has gone to the father” etc instead of saying he/she died. In Limbum my dialect we get the phrase which translated gives “she left”, “he is lost (in case of chiefs and Fons)”, “she refused food”, “he has quenched”, etc.
I lost my mother last year (some seven months ago) on the 29th of October 2010. Some few days before she died she spoke with me on the phone, telling me she had some pains in her feet, little did I know this could lead to a dead end, but Gods ways are not our ways. Four days in the Hospital I was called one night that she was in oxygen. I could not relate pains in the feet to using artificial aid for respiration. In the early hours at 6am I was informed she passed away. Yes I cried like a little baby in our sleeping room. I had the luck that my wife was there and could give me some comfort, but as time went on I felt more broken than ever. For six months I had always reflected on who she was to us. All of us (eight children) missed our mom and I saw this in the lives of my brothers and sisters. Each time I meet with my eldest sister crying will start over again. Our mom was special to us and her words were always peaceful trying to build always; and open to lead reconciliation. She left us when we needed her most. My wife thought I could get rid of this by keeping everything that brings her memories far away, but this was a mistake. She will always ask me to keep the burial video whenever I wanted to watch. But I found out that it was by watching this over and over and placing her picture on my wall that made me accept the painful reality. A month ago I wondered how it will help if people can share their feelings with others and look at what scriptures tell us in such a painful situation. My wife was pregnant and I told my sister that my child will bare my mom’s name regardless of the sex of the child. God blessed us with a baby boy last month and he was named Yusinyu Angelo. Angelo just like our mom Angelina represents angel. Yusinyu (in English; listen to God) our second child is one month old today that I am writing this text. I now feel relief and I talk about my mom’s death without much trouble.
Some people try to escape from the pains by thinking of the pains of others. They thing they have surmounted all but in most cases they have just tried to escape from the reality. Human escapism will not solve our problem. You may pass all your time during the burial period or death ceremony consoling others; Yes, it is good to support others and assist them get relief from the pain, but do not forget that you yourself need to confront your own feelings. Crying at times gives you relief and if you feel as to do that, do it. Those who run away from this feeling end up many years in bereavement than those who expressed their feelings earlier. When you express your feelings, people will assist you go over it, but if you do it later on, you may have no one beside to help you. In that case you will feel very lonely, no one to comfort you and it will become very difficult for you to surmount your pain. When you are in this situation, note that others have had the same experience and many more will. It is never the end of the world; in fact you still have a life to live though you have lost a part of your company or family.
The bereaved are placed in a situation of temptation especially during the burial ceremony. This period is one in which one has to be very careful the way he things, try to manage frustration and helplessness. If these are not managed, the bereaved will be very susceptible to and can be easily drawn away into situations that cannot be managed later on spiritually and physically. In some cultures family behaviours might lead one (bereaved) to scatter the family bond for ever due to provocations. In some cultures provocation of the bereaved is a normal thing that should happen. When you are in such a situation, whether you know it or not do your things as if you have no force to react to any provocation. Do not even think of the provocation; let them pass as they came.
Our feelings after being bereaved can lead to many health and moral problems in our life. The feeling of loneliness, rejection, guilt and shock can lead to depression. But the scriptures tell us that “The LORD is near to the broken hearted; and saves the crushed in spirit” (Ps 34:18). So we have to accept it and let it go. It is true that it is not as easy else we will not be writing or talking about it. It will take some time; for some it will not take very long but for others it may take very long but as the Lord promises he is there for the broken hearted. We have to cry it out and let it go. This will keep us away from depression. Some people can easily turn the page and life goes on but others find it so difficult to do that. If you are a straight man like Jacob who after getting the news of the death of his son refuses to be comforted then you have to take care of yourself (Genesis 37:35) ;And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him. Know that your health depends on your emotional state. You have to eat well even when you do not feel as to. You also have to sleep enough and make some exercise; this will help you. Science has shown that exercise triggers the liberation of endorphins from the brain which contributes to well being by abolishing all sensation of pain. Thirdly we need to accept assistance from others. Friends and other Christians will give you good advice and when spoken well will give you relief just as the scriptures tell us in Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
What is Bereavement?
What is Bereavement?
A person is said to be bereaved when the person is deprived of a beloved person or a treasured thing, especially through death. Death is the end of being alive. That is; all the vital functions and processes in an organism or cell is ended.
No one knows how to die. But people believe certain experiences can be used to explain the experience of death. People who have gone on comma or short human inactivity due to medical situations (perhaps from anesthesia) believe the experience of death is the same. But the truth is that no one living has experienced death. Death is the last experience humans shall learn in this life. When you are death, there is no physical life and so death has no life. In other words, when you are dead you have no link with the living. This has caused a lot of fear in the minds of humans. Fear of the unknown world after death, fear of living without our loved ones. In fact when you are not directly touched, death is normal but when you are bereaved of your loved one, you find a difference in life.
People who are bereaved usually feel lonely haven lost their beloved. They get into stress as the memories do not go faster especially when the dead person played a big deal in the bereaved life. There is a gap that is created and needs to be filled. Some try to escape instead of getting it by the horns. Some face guilt; feeling they did not do what was necessary for the dead person. Some feel they would have done more or that they fail to do what was necessary for this person who died. All these cause worries in the bereaved.
Losing someone is not easy to accept, but we have no choice about it. If you have not yet experienced it, know that it will come some day; the worse will be others having the experience over you. I know everybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die now. Even octogenarians cry that untimely death is not their portion. Yes! But who defines it untimely? We or God? When someone you know dies, it shocks you and if the person was very close you may feel like part of yourself has died. It takes time to recover from the shock and the pain because the loss is permanent, and so what the person was to you is affected permanently. So you need to give yourself time, do not be worried that you are still suffering from the loss and pain, but know that it shall come to pass because God is closer to the brokenhearted (Ps34:18). We always have hope in Christ regardless of our hurt or fears. Welcome the Lord into your deep feelings and you will experience God’s comfort through His Spirit. You will make sense of your emotions and feelings of the beloved one you lost. God understands your situation; the complexities of your experiences and all of your thoughts and so He can mend the gap that you feel inside.
A person is said to be bereaved when the person is deprived of a beloved person or a treasured thing, especially through death. Death is the end of being alive. That is; all the vital functions and processes in an organism or cell is ended.
No one knows how to die. But people believe certain experiences can be used to explain the experience of death. People who have gone on comma or short human inactivity due to medical situations (perhaps from anesthesia) believe the experience of death is the same. But the truth is that no one living has experienced death. Death is the last experience humans shall learn in this life. When you are death, there is no physical life and so death has no life. In other words, when you are dead you have no link with the living. This has caused a lot of fear in the minds of humans. Fear of the unknown world after death, fear of living without our loved ones. In fact when you are not directly touched, death is normal but when you are bereaved of your loved one, you find a difference in life.
People who are bereaved usually feel lonely haven lost their beloved. They get into stress as the memories do not go faster especially when the dead person played a big deal in the bereaved life. There is a gap that is created and needs to be filled. Some try to escape instead of getting it by the horns. Some face guilt; feeling they did not do what was necessary for the dead person. Some feel they would have done more or that they fail to do what was necessary for this person who died. All these cause worries in the bereaved.
Losing someone is not easy to accept, but we have no choice about it. If you have not yet experienced it, know that it will come some day; the worse will be others having the experience over you. I know everybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die now. Even octogenarians cry that untimely death is not their portion. Yes! But who defines it untimely? We or God? When someone you know dies, it shocks you and if the person was very close you may feel like part of yourself has died. It takes time to recover from the shock and the pain because the loss is permanent, and so what the person was to you is affected permanently. So you need to give yourself time, do not be worried that you are still suffering from the loss and pain, but know that it shall come to pass because God is closer to the brokenhearted (Ps34:18). We always have hope in Christ regardless of our hurt or fears. Welcome the Lord into your deep feelings and you will experience God’s comfort through His Spirit. You will make sense of your emotions and feelings of the beloved one you lost. God understands your situation; the complexities of your experiences and all of your thoughts and so He can mend the gap that you feel inside.
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