Parental Favoritism

 Genesis 25:28 explicitly tells us:

“And Isaac loved Esau… but Rebekah loved Jacob.”

The problem was not that Esau and Jacob were different. Their differences were natural: Esau was an outdoorsman and hunter, while Jacob was more settled and quiet. Difference is not the problem; partiality is.

Isaac and Rebekah allowed their personal preferences to determine how they related to their sons. Isaac leaned toward Esau, while Rebekah leaned toward Jacob. Instead of creating a home where both sons could feel equally valued, the parents' preferences contributed to rivalry and division.

A key lesson for parents

Loving children equally does not mean treating

them identically.

Every child has different abilities, personalities, needs and weaknesses. One may require more attention at a particular stage of life; another may need more discipline or encouragement. That is not necessarily favoritism.

Favoritism is when a parent consistently communicates, directly or indirectly, that one child is more valuable, more loved, more trusted, or more important than another.

This can happen through:

•            Constantly praising one child while criticizing another.

•            Comparing siblings.

•            Giving one child preferential treatment.

•            Taking one child's side without hearing the other.

•            Showing greater affection toward the child whose personality or achievements the

parent prefers.

•            Making one child feel that they can never measure up to their sibling.

The wounds caused by this can last for many years.

The danger of parental favoritism

The tragedy in Isaac and Rebekah's family is that parental favoritism did not remain between the parents and their children; it affected the relationship between the brothers.

The rivalry surrounding the birthright and blessing eventually contributed to Jacob fleeing from Esau. The family became divided, and deception entered the relationship.

There is therefore a serious warning here for parents:

What we repeatedly communicate through our preferences can become what our children

believe about themselves and about one another.

A child who is constantly less favored may develop feelings of rejection, insecurity or resentment. The favored child can also be affected, because he or she may develop entitlement or become caught in unhealthy family competition.

“God values each of His children uniquely, and parents are called to love and value their children without making one feel superior or another inferior.”

 

 let us examine our hearts. Do we have a child whose personality, achievements or character naturally attracts us more than the others? Are we unconsciously communicating that preference? Children should not have to compete for their parents' affection. They

need to know that they are loved, valued and accepted. We may not be able to make every child identical in our treatment, but we can make every child secure in our love. Let us learn from Isaac and Rebekah that parental favoritism can sow seeds of division, while impartial love can help build a home of security, unity and trust.

 

“A child should never have to compete with a sibling to feel loved by a parent.”

 

To children:

1.      Your value does not depend on being the favourite. Look at David?

2. Don't compete with your brothers and sisters for love.

3. Don't use your parents' favoritism as an

excuse for bad behaviour.  Even if a child is treated unfairly, that does not justify lying, cheating, revenge, disrespect or hurting a sibling. Someone else's wrong does not give us permission to do wrong.

4. Learn to celebrate your siblings.

Instead of thinking, “Why does he always get more attention than me?”, teach children to say, “I can be happy for my brother or sister without feeling that I have lost my place.”

 

Parents must learn not to show favoritism, while children must learn not to allow favoritism to create bitterness, jealousy or hatred in their hearts.