Help for the bereaved family

Help for the bereaved family

When unfortunate incidences happen to any human being it takes a long time to get healed and as a matter of fact there is no definite time period for the healing process. What we know is that this healing is possible and that one can return back to a happy and productive life after any unfortunate incidence. Whenever you find yourself in such a difficult situation, know that you are not alone, people have passed through it successfully and many are still passing through it. What you need to remind yourself of is that, things will eventually get better. In fact when I lost my mother last October in 2010 I felt like I was in another planet. I felt like I was different from those I see around me, in fact I was like a lost man. A man who has no guide without hope in getting through; but as time went on with faith I started building the hope that I needed for my healing. The pains gradually subsided as I gradually accepted the reality of life. In fact the solution to all our afflictions is in the word of God. Psalm 119:50 tells us that “This is my comfort in my affliction; For thy word hath quickened me”. The word of God really revives deadened life and mends the brokenhearted. In Isaiah it says the Lord has comforted His people and will have compassion on His afflicted (Isaiah 49:13). This is so sweet! It says His people, His afflicted. It is talking about Gods people, and so if we remain faithful to God having all our hopes in Him we are sure of this promise and His promises never fail.

We should not be given to fear because our Lord lives and He has promised to always be closer to us; He is there to comfort us. In Isaiah God says I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, and uphold you with My righteous right hand. It also applies to us Christians. We just have to have hope in our God and believe as we know that His word is true and that He will never lie. Isaiah 41:10; “Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness”. The psalmist says with hope and faith that though he walk through the valley of the shadow of death, he will fear no evil. Why? Because the Lord is with him (Psalm23:4). Our Lord knows those events are there and they have to be there. In fact they are there to strengthen us, to strengthen our relationship with God. God will not always take away certain events from us even if we feel uncomfortable with but he will allow it if it will bring Him glory at the end. We need to always have in mind that our purpose on earth is to glorify God. Therefore in everything we do, in every situation we pass through we need to bear in mind that the end should glorify our creator. One thing I know is that God will never allow any temptation come to us if it is above our strength. He will always give us the ability, and more over He says he will always be by our side giving us the protection that is needed. He says we shall pass through the rivers and through fire but we shall never be harmed because he is with us. Yes, God is always by His children and the little we need to do is to accept God as our God through His son Jesus Christ who is our Lord and saviour. There we shall benefit from the same promises God gave to His people. Isaiah 43:2 “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee”. This promise we have read from the word of God that it happened to Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego in Daniel chapter 3. Yes they physically passed through the burning fiery furnace and the fire did not kindle upon them. Our scripture says the flames of the fire slew the men who bounded these men of God but they were not hurt because God was on their side. Our Lord Jesus says “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted” matt 5:4. Our Lord is like saying we should accept it. He hasn’t said we should not mourn but He says blessed are you, sacred are you who mourns for you shall be comforted. We therefore have to accept our pains and mourn because we have pains. Our God gave us the senses to express them not to pretend. Tell God exactly how you feel and cry when you feel like crying but know that you shall be comforted says the Lord. Death has no power because God gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor 15:55-57). If our loved one who died, really slept in the Lord then we know they live and we shall meet with them some time in God’s kingdom.



What about us now?
We as believers know resurrection is a reality and we should not reason like people who are not informed and have no hope. Our hope is in the resurrection that we have through Christ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14; But we would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning them that fall asleep; that ye sorrow not, even as the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also that are fallen asleep in Jesus will God bring with him. In Revelation we learn that in those days God shall wipe away every tear from our eyes, there shall be no death nor mourning nor pain. There shall be comfort when God Himself shall be with His people "and he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away" Revelation 21:4.

We need to take courage and move forward. We need to draw near to God through Jesus Christ our Lord who is the source of our comfort. There we shall find mercy and we shall receive the grace that is needed for us to help in time of need. We have received mercy from God regardless of who we are, He gives us comfort through His word. What then? We have to help when need arises. We cannot receive and remain as if nothing happened because there will be a time when we shall be expected to help with what we have received from the Lord. We read from Hebrews 4:15-16 that we should draw near to the throne of grace; “For we have not a high priest that cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but one that hath been in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin. Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help [us] in time of need”. Now that we know and have received God’s mercy, now that we have had God’s comfort in our affliction, we need to comfort others with the same comfort we received from God. We as individuals, and families and as a church, we therefore have the responsibility to comfort those who are in affliction; 2 Cor1:3-4 “Blessed [be] the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort them that are in any affliction, through the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God”. Let us now prepare ourselves and make a step towards the isolated, the afflicted, the abandoned, the lonely, yes they are many.


Churches role
Leaders of churches have to carry the responsibility of teaching the truth and guiding the church members along with other things such as the pastoral responsibility. But the leader cannot provide all the pastoral time and attention that every member of the church requires especially when the church is not small. We also have to know that a pastor who is married will also have a responsibility over his family. In the case of Africa, even when one is not married he still has a responsibility towards the nieces, nephews, cousins, uncles, parents etc. The family is very large here and African pastors or leaders are not exempted. That is why other Christians are called upon as delegated by the leader or the fellowship to assist in the pastoral responsibilities between the leader himself and the others in the church.

We can easily overlook the needs of others around us and for the church this will be very possible if there are no structures to help those in need come for help. In one of the churches in Cameroon I found a very good structure established which really assembled the needy towards the church and the church too is helping them in providing their needs and the warmth. In Etoug Ebe Baptist church Yaounde, they have a program where they collect second hand items to give to the poor in need. Every Christian who has something he/she is no longer using will gather them to the church and give to the team in charge. These are collected for a while and if there are no solicitors then the church makes a sales plan and sells them. Then the money is used to help the poor. I think this is good because some people though needy will always want to keep their esteem. Some will prefer the money rather than the goods for fear that one will say hey, there my item I gave to the church. This has shown proof that it helps.
As a church we need to teach home group leaders to be sensitive to the needs of the members in their group. Because Christians have to love God, we can show our love for God by providing for these needy in our fellowship and around us regardless of whether they are Christians or not. Therefore church members also have to be guided and encouraged to be pastoral in their outlook and this needs prayer because their hearts have to change as it needs sacrifice. People in our community are really in need for provision, for care, for love and for spiritual and moral uprightness. These people are there waiting for someone to talk to them and make them move, but most of the Christians are satisfied with their “umbrella salvation” that covers just them or their families. Many say ah, if my family is saved then ok for me, but they forget that the great commission which is a divine imperative says GO and make disciples of all nations Matt28:20. It does not say get your salvation and then stay. No; as you have now known the truth, go and teach, bring them to me (Christ).

Ministering to the needs of the needy also involves evangelism and so this work is not limited to Christians in our community but more so to the non-christians around us. This will teach them more than what we may want to speak to them especially when they have no hope. Organizing meetings in church for this group of people and allowing non Christians too will help those who just want to spend some time with others. The idea is to make those in need (isolated, brokenhearted) to talk to others in a group and build friendships. Other christians can pray for them and provide more warmth even to the non-christians who come in and then help explain the gospel to them too; at their own pace. The choice of time and the age group may be a factor to consider when organizing these meetings. The evening may be very suitable for those who are of age and those who find public transport difficult or undesirable or insecure in the evening. But the evenings will be very suitable for those who work during the day.

In cases where the fellowship does not have a church, families can host the meetings in rotation. So the church needs to provide practically for the needs of the isolated or lonely in their church even if there are just one or two to allow these integrate in the fellowship. Can we imagine how this will help the widows and widowers? Last week or so Cameroon just celebrated the widows day and it is high time the church provides the practical needs of these widows and widowers. They need spiritual food in addition to the warmth. Many talk of discrimination in the society because they feel the lack of this love which can only be provided in a real way through the church.

Some people can be over demanding in wanting the company of others and so they will need more time to overcome their pain while others will integrate very fast. We therefore need to realize this in each of the persons we identify needy and then try to balance our pastoral ministry facilities as well. We cannot give all the time for the lonely because the resources may be limited as manpower is concern. However we must know that all those who are in need in our churches should be taken serious and treated in their best interest whether their needs are physical, emotional or spiritual because Christian fellowship must go with love. If we do not desire to meet to the needs of those in our community then we do not love our neighbours (Luke 10:25-37).