The role of the wife in a marital home

The role of the wife

Wives, you are not your husband’s Holy Spirit. Yes, you are his partner and you may need to “speak the truth in love” to him at times. But sometimes we do too much horizontal talking and not enough vertical talking to the Lord over matters that bother us about our husbands. Sometimes our words can get in the way of what God intends to do if they are said when our husband’s ears are not receptive to hearing what we have to say. It is not the responsibility of wives, to shame or accuse their husbands of not being spiritual enough (if they perceive their husbands are lacking). Galatians 6:1-5 instructs us on how to reproach a sinner. “Brethren, even if a man be overtaken in any trespass, ye who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; looking to thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another`s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if a man thinketh himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let each man prove his own work, and then shall he have his glorying in regard of himself alone, and not of his neighbor. For each man shall bear his own burden.” This scripture teach us that we are to be gentle if we are to “restore him.” But we’re also warned to watch ourselves because we could be tempted to do what we shouldn’t (like saying more than we should, or saying it in the wrong manner or timing, or pointing out the “speck” in his eye when we have a “log” in our own eye). We should be careful of our own spiritual walk so that we aren’t hypocritical in our interactions. Don’t allow the problems you see in your husband to distract you from living Christ. If you feel you have to nag or berate your husband to get him to “wake up” spiritually, beware! You’re stepping into Holy Spirit’s territory. Be your husband’s prayer partner and ask the Lord to show you how to love him as “unto the Lord.” Know when to say something and when to be quiet. God will lead you as you draw close to Him and ask and receive.

The wife therefore has to love God, and draw closer to God. If she loves God she will obey the commands of God in her life and her relationships.

The wife has to love the husband. Titus 2:4-5 “that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, [to be] sober-minded, chaste, workers at home, kind, being in subjection to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed:”

She has to submit to the husband. The Bible says wives have to be subject to the husbands as unto the Lord. They should submit just as they would have done to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, [be in subjection] unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” The wife is not supposed to be authoritative upon the husband because God has given this authority to the man who is submissive to God. Ephesians 5:18-33 also says Wives Must Submit to Husband's Loving Leadership. Though Paul starts out with ladies first, in the roles and responsibilities of the marriage partners, it is clear that the wife's submissiveness can and will be a response to the husband's godly and loving leadership. A husband is not to treat his wife as a servant or a child, but as an equal for whom God has given him the responsibility to care and provide for, to love and to protect. We are all submitting at some point. Wives are called to submit to the loving leadership for their husbands, and husbands are to bow to the needs of their wives. The issue is not superiority or inferiority. It is about sacrifice. It is about your mate. Most importantly, it is about obedience to God!

The wife has to dialogue with the husband (Not to only accept yes! Yes!). Dialogue breaks our ego-boundaries. It helps to clarify differences. When we dialogue, we make unique decisions and this is what God says we become one in flesh in our marriage though we are different individuals. Our background is not important to our marriage so it will be a wrong base for marriage. Education, profession, salary, family background et cetera are not requirements for our marriage. Since it is the man who takes care of the family with the help of the wife, she has to support; physically, financially, morally, and spiritually. Communication is very important in marriage.

Communicating effectively begins with discovering transparency. Transparency in marriage is described in Genesis before the fall: “The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). Adam and Eve were without disguise or covering, without any mask. They were uncovered physically, and they did not cover up emotionally. Before the fall, Adam and Eve were a picture of true transparency— being real, open to each other, and unafraid of rejection.But after the fall, we read, “They knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings” (Genesis 3:7). Those famous fig leaf aprons were only part of their cover-up. Sin introduced a lot more than modesty. It also brought deceit, lying, trickery, half-truths, manipulation, misrepresentation, distortion, hatred, jealousy, control, and many other vices, all causing us to wear masks. Many people spend tremendous time and energy building facades to hide their insecurities. They are afraid that if someone finds out who they really are, they will be rejected. For many men in particular, deep and honest communication can be very threatening. Too many wives and husbands are afraid to be honest with each other.The Scriptures, however, emphasize being open and vulnerable. Paul modeled transparency when he wrote to the Corinthians, many of whom were not exactly his admirers: “For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote you with many tears; not that you should be made sorrowful, but that you might know the love which I have especially for you” (2 Corinthians 2:4). Paul was not afraid to weep or say, “I love you.” Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus (John 11:35) and lamented His rejection by hard-hearted Jerusalem (Luke 13:34).At the same time, Scripture warns about being too open and honest. Solomon wrote, “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19). Words can hurt. As Solomon also said, “There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). If you’re a spouse who uses words rashly, then you would do well to “hold your tongue.”Many couples would improve their relationships if both partners would use words that are gentle and full of encouragement and praise. In marriage, partners need to affirm each other often. Deep communication takes most of us a long time to achieve. You or your spouse may have come from a family where open communication was discouraged or even punished. It may take years to reach a deep, satisfying level of transparency, but every couple needs to be headed in the right direction.You have to share your opinions; your ideas and judgment about things. You watch the other person carefully, and when you sense even the slightest question or rejection, you retreat. You also have to share your emotions with your partner but you must be careful not to hurt your spouse. But many marriages are in such need of sharing feelings that the risk must be taken. If you can’t share feelings with your spouse, your marriage is on superficial ground. You have to be completely open to your spouse in trust, commitment and friendship. You reserve the transparency level for your spouse and perhaps a few others who are very close to you. Becoming transparent with many people can be dangerous. For example, sharing too much of who you are with someone of the opposite sex can lead to an affair. When spouses reach the transparency level, they operate with oneness.

The husband is the head of the family. Like the brain which is in the head the husband does the calculation, thinking and decisions and the impulse are sent to the other parts of the body like the leg. The wife is like the leg that carries the body. Without the leg, the body will face difficulty in movement, but the leg has to do it on the orders of the brain. They are from one body, one gives the command and the other helps. The leg can not and should not give the command because the designer (God) did not intend it to be so.